Cirque du Solaya: daycare

Showing posts with label daycare. Show all posts

Thursday, April 18

DEAR SOL: HERE IS YOUR FAMILY

Well, it finally happened:

#14 on the list of My Worries, from this post written waaaay back when I was pregnant.

The day when our family is compared to the other families at daycare.

Yesterday was like any other day; I left work to pick Sol up from daycare. I walked in and saw my little monster walking up to me (omg, she's walking! let's take a second to raise the roof for my future marathoner!)

Sol perched on my left hip, diaper bag slung over my right shoulder, I was pulled aside by Miss Shannon, who mentioned to me that they're asking each child to bring in photos of his or her family over the next week. These photos will be posted up on a wall alongside all the other kids' family photos. They're doing this to help each child to learn about his or her family, to help each child associate a name with each person, to have the family "right there" with each child at daycare.

Family photos.

Welllllll.
Isn't that special.

I slapped on the most outrageously fake smile and said, "Okay." And I walked out the door.

My heart instantly sank and my throat tied itself into one large, ridiculously impossible knot. The same knot I felt for months while I was pregnant. The same knot that was originally tied by the man who abandoned me. The same knot that manifested itself every night for 9 months, reminding me that I was different, that my child would be different. The same knot that reminds me of every break my heart has suffered, every evil word spoken to me, every awkward "I'm pregnant and single" conversation I had to endure, every afternoon spent sobbing on my living room floor, every night spent lying in bed, tracing soft lines on my growing belly and crying into my pillow. The same knot that I feel when I see a perfect nuclear family who's so cute and "together" that I want to vomit, or cry, or maybe both. The same knot that you get when you're fatherless.

That knot tied me up the whole way home. And it held that same restrictive power over me for the rest of the night. It consumed me as I fell asleep, and it was still there this morning. Sol will not have pictures of her father. She will only have pictures of one set of grandparents. Sol has half a family.

Family photos: proof that Sol is different because of things I did.

I got to work this morning and searched my computer to find pics of our family. And as I shuffled through the photos, I could feel the knot slowly begin to loosen. With each happy photo of smiling faces surrounding my daughter, I too felt happy. And I felt guilty. And stupid. For allowing that pesky knot to take control of me and cause me to forget what a great family we truly have. Hodge-podge and unconventional though it may be, we have a ridiculously large family. Sol and I are unbelievably blessed to be surrounded by good people who love us dearly.

Blog/Facebook comments never cease to amaze me; as I read them I see just how much Sol is loved. She may not have a perfect family in the traditional sense... but in my opinion she has something even better. She has hundreds -- maybe even thousands -- of people who know and love her, most of whom have never even met her. If only there were a wall big enough to post pictures of every member of our amazing family.

(If you want your photo on her wall at daycare, just let me know...

how cool would it be to have her wall FILLED UP? haha)

Family photo day?

Bring. It. On.

Dear Sol,
here is your family:

I am your mother. I love you dearly and always have.
I want the very best for you in life, and I want you to be happy.
That is all you need to know.

This is Grandma CC. She was there when you were born.

She cut your umbilical cord and gave you your first bath.

She says a prayer for you every night.

Her heart nearly explodes with all the love she has for you.

This is Grandpa Ken.

He waited impatiently in the waiting room the night you were born.

He was the first man to hold you.

He never stops thinking about you. He shows pictures of you whenever he can.

He calls almost daily to talk to you.

(I can't wait for you to start talking so you can actually talk to him...)

This is Aunt Liz. She was with me when I first heard your heartbeat.

She was the first one at the hospital when I went into labor.

She held my hand as you took your first breath.

She loves you more than you will ever know.

Aunt Liz is holding your cousin Ellie. You and Ellie are going to be best friends.

This is Aunt Amanda. She was the first one in our family to know about you.
She was also there, holding my hand as you entered the world.
Her whole office knows about you because she never stops talking about you.
She is proud of you and loves you.

This is GG Helen. You will always have a very special place in her heart.
She has loved you for a long, long time.

This is GG Loretta. She has many grandchildren and great-grandchildren,
but she has more than enough love to make each of them feel special.
You are no exception. She loves you very dearly, and has always loved you.

This is Uncle Gregg with Cooper.
Uncle Gregg was there the night you were born.
(but he didn't hold you because "he was sweaty from playing volleyball,"
but I think he was actually scared to hold such a tiny person)
Uncle Gregg loves you and your chubby self.
Cooper was the first one to know about you.
He sat with me alone in Aunt Liz's living room and listened to me cry.
He gave me hugs and, in his own canine way, he told me that it would work out.
You will love Cooper. He gives the best hugs ever.

This is Uncle Matt. We call him Mattitude.
He is hilarious. He taught you to blow raspberries.
You didn't stop blowing raspberries for months.

This is Aunt Kenny. She is your godmother.
She has loved you since before you were born.
She was so excited to meet you that she drove a long way
to be at the hospital the day after you were born.

This is Uncle Mike. We call him Uncle Rafiki.
He loves to hold you up a la Lion King.
He came with Aunt Kenny to see you the day after you were born.
(and he's apparently a model on the side...)

This is Aunt Stephanie. She is one of my best friends.
She loves you mucho and wants the very best for you.
Her daughter Genesis will be your best friend :)

This is Aunt Joleen. We'll call her Auntie Jo.
She is VERY smart.
She loves to take you to the Beer Exchange.
She has been an important part of your life for almost your entire life.
She loves taking you to Target and putting ridiculous hats on you.

This is Aunt Leah. She is amazing.
She loves you SO SO SO much.
She loves to come over and play with you.
She's going to teach you to dance!!

This is Aunt Chel-C. She was the first one to know your name :)

She loves photography and loves snapping photos of you.

She sends you cool presents, and will teach you all about the She-Woman Man Haters Club.

We are founding members.

This is E-Machine.

E is very special to us too.

He likes cars and cows, and he can tell you all about them.

You two will be very good friends... most of the time.

Friday, March 22

SAVOR MY SOL

My days and weeks are flying by. Seriously, 9- or 10-hour workdays fly by in what seems like 45 minutes. Monday happens, and then all of a sudden it's Friday afternoon and I can't remember what happened this week. I can't remember if Sol did anything fun on Tuesday, and I can't remember what we ate for dinner last night. At work today I got a peek at the large desk calendar that's been buried under mounds of work, and I saw that I was still looking at February. When did it become March? And as I started marking off each consumed day in March (with a pink highlighter, BECAUSE I CAN), I realized it was March 22. Honestly, I could've just waited a week and flipped straight to the April page.

The time is going by too quickly and I feel like I'm not really experiencing anything. We do our daily routine: I go to work while she spends 80% of her waking time with strangers, and we come home and eat and bathe and go to bed. And the next day is the same. All of a sudden I find myself looking at photos from when we went to visit Santa at the mall, and there I am, but I'm holding this chubby-cheeked child... whom I barely recognize.

Why am I taking someone else's daughter to meet Santa?

Oh wait, that child belongs to me.

And then I look at the picture of the little lady I took to daycare this morning.

That child belongs to me too.

The child in the picture above (you know, the one clutching the pink bunny) has has a rough few weeks. She survived the Bubonic Plague of the Bierlein Household in early March, she's left one daycare, tried 3 more... all the while with a runny nose and a constant cough. She's been sick and thrown into new situations. And while she's trying to adjust, things don't always fall into place so easily. And I get that. My heart breaks as I see her struggling. I see my 1-year-old child trying to establish a normal routine in the midst of new people, new colors and noises and sounds, trying to take naps in a new place. Trying to eat sweet potatoes and peas at daycare while all the other kids are eating green eggs and turkey sausages in honor of St. Patrick.

In the midst of all that turbulence, Sol and I both take comfort in one thing: the unyielding, unshakable, interminable bond that connects us as mother and daughter. I am hers, and she is mine. I knew it from the moment I saw a positive pregnancy test, from the moment I felt the flutter of a tiny human in my expanding belly. I knew it as I held my child for the first time, terrified, just seconds after she took her first breath. A mother's love for her child is absolutely indescribable, and to see Sol upset is like taking a knife to the heart. So in these days of instability all I can do is love her.

We spend quiet nights on the couch, just the two of us. After a year of refusing to snuggle with me, she's finally taken comfort in sitting on my lap, clutching her pink bunny, laying her head on my chest and feeling the rhythm of the heart that beats for her. I talk to my sleepy Sol about how incredible she is, and I tell her of the grand plans I envision for her. I tell her how much I love her; and after sending up a silent prayer of thanks for the miracle in my arms, I thank her for the life she's given me. I thank her for every frustrating 3am wake-up that helps me learn patience. I thank her for every snort/chuckle hybrid that escapes her mouth and makes my soul do a somersault. I thank her for showing me that perfect love is not only possible but necessary.

Before I know it, I've talked her to sleep and she's snoring softly on my chest, her eyelashes laid delicately atop her resting eyes. Her chubby hand is still gripped tightly around the soft pink bunny that's clearly become her source of security in a world of uncertainty. Just when my mind starts to wander and I think, 'If I had chosen a different route...' her tiny snores snatch my attention and I fall in love all over again. In moments like these, I get to savor my Sol.

Thursday, March 21

DO I CONTRADICT MYSELF? VERY WELL THEN, I CONTRADICT MYSELF.

Today's post will be very short.

In order to write my recent post on daycare, I spent a huge chunk of time researching, asking around (thank you to all my friends who contributed), and compiling information on child care regulations, what to look for, and what to avoid, as well as creating a 7-page checklist of questions to ask when visiting a daycare provider. Seven. Flippin. Pages.

Obviously I'm in the middle of searching for a new daycare for Solchop. We previously used an in-home daycare that was wonderful and loving, but in the end didn't fit my needs as far as my work schedule. So we're looking for a new one. In the past two weeks, she's been to 3 different daycares to try them out (this has not been a fun 2 weeks). I have a well-organized spreadsheet of information on all the places I've contacted (53 providers total). This gal has done her research.

So it goes without saying that when I visited my ideal daycare provider on Tuesday evening, I had this grand plan in my head. I knew exactly what to look for. I knew exactly what I didn't want to see. I knew exactly what I was going to ask.

And after Miss Sandy sat us down after the tour ("us" being Sol and me), she gave a quick run-through of her policies.

Then she said, "So... do you have any questions for me?"

Sol turned to me... the girl who just spent a week preparing questions for daycare providers.

My eyes got wide and my palms started to sweat.

I said, "Uh.... uhh... ummmmmmm."

Come on... I must have some questions.

Um...

Well...

"Nope, I can't think of any."

Horror. How did I not have any questions?

It was my time to shine, my moment of glory. The very opportunity I had waited for, a chance to blow a rather impressive woman away with my rather impressive vault of intelligent questions.

Annnnnnd I failed. Seriously, I had nothing to ask her. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

Monday, March 18

A PARENT'S PURSUIT: FINDING A DAYCARE

***

7 letters long and [quite often] the bane of my existence.

***

The average child spends 10 hours a day in a daycare... let's say 80% of their daytime hours. That's a whole heckuva lot of time to leave your child with a stranger. So it goes without saying that finding a child care provider is incredibly important. This is one search that shouldn't be quick or easy. And guess what? It's not quick. It's not easy. A little research goes a long way when it comes to childcare, and will provide all the right information about the places you're considering.

It's easy to get flustered, confused, or overwhelmed during the search for quality childcare. It's easy to be overwhelmed by redundant information, or overwhelmed by too many options. And when you're a first-time parent, how are you supposed to know what to look for and what to avoid? I was there: a new mom, sleep-deprived, not.at.all.excited about looking for a daycare, and I was pressed for time. Thankfully/luckily, I found a great in-home daycare that was convenient, within my price range, and at which I felt comfortable leaving my child.

***

Buuuut I do know how tough the search can be... believe me.
So I've created a printable checklist to take with you when visiting a daycare center.
To view/print, click HERE.

***

In the meantime, bear with me through a pretty lengthy [but helpful!] post.

Here are some tips:

If possible, take your time. If you're organized and lucky enough to have some good lead time before you actually need daycare, congratulations. This will allow you time to do your research, make good quality visits, and really weigh the positives and negatives of each location.
Use a state-certified website to browse the registered providers in your area. Consider the advantages/disadvantages of in-home daycares, group homes, and centers.

In-home: has an intimate, loving, family-like feel; max of 6 children (in Michigan). Generally the least expensive option. Could potentially be somewhat unreliable, since you have 1 individual responsible for keeping the center open (if Caregiver is sick, you may be responsible for finding backup daycare... at 6am on a workday, which is not fun; also, Caregiver may take vacation and leave you to find a backup for a week at a time).
Group home: a "center" setting with a more intimate feel; max of 12 children (in Michigan). Generally reliable, since a group home is required to have more than 1 caregiver.
Center: a school-like setting, often very structured; max capacity varies based on staffing. Generally the most expensive options. Usually very reliable and rarely (if ever) closes, so you will never have to find backup daycare.

Ask your HR department. Some companies will assist you in finding a daycare center, or maybe they have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that will help guide your search.
Ask around. The very best resources are referrals from other parents. Another mom can tell you about her daycare, her sister's daycare, her boss's daycare, etc etc. And they can give you firsthand information.
Get references. Once you have contact information for a daycare, call them and ask for references. Plural. The more people you ask, the more likely you are to get a realistic idea of what this place is like.
Check state inspection reports (these can be found using the sites listed at the very bottom of this post). You won't believe some of the violations at centers (we're talking drugs, felony charges, sex offender registries, etc).
Visit each location before choosing. You won't believe what some places look like. First impressions are very important and can make or break your decision.
Consider the location. Is it on your way to/from work? If not, how far out of the way is it?
Do you want somewhere closer to home, or closer to work? There are pros and cons to both.

Closer to home: convenient, and it gives you time to "decompress" on your commute to and from work. Also, if you were to get sick and stay home from work (*knock on wood*), this makes it easier and quicker to take your child to daycare.
Closer to work: also convenient, and allows you to spend more time with your child (you get the "drive time" with Baby). In my opinion, better -- you can run errands after work and still make it to daycare in time to pick Baby up. If you occasionally work past your typical 8-5 schedule, this allows for more flexibility in pickup time (you don't have to rush to the daycare if you're running late for pickup).

Do a dry run. Drive to the location at the time you would potentially be heading there. Traffic can be crazy at 7:30am and 5:00pm. Consider the ease of left-hand turns. Check out the parking situation. These things may not seem like a big deal today, but they will most certainly be a big deal when you're running late one morning.
Spend time there with your child. See how Baby responds to the staff there. Is your child terrified of them? Hello, giant red flag.
Ask for a daily schedule. This is more important for older babies/toddlers than for infants, but each daycare should have some sort of structure or routine. And the daycare should be able to provide this upon request.
Observe. Look around and check out the cleanliness of the home or center. As gross as it sounds, use your nose. Does it smell like sour milk? Sweaty socks? Dirty diapers? Cigarette smoke? Fried food? Something worse? YUCK. Your kid will be spending many hours there, so he/she will be coming home smelling like whatever the center smells like.
Check out the safety of the location: steps, kitchen appliances, bathroom access, fire safety, etc.
Ask a lot of questions. They should be used to it. If they're not used to it, something's wrong.

***
Below are some questions to ask.
*Please note: not all questions may be relevant right now, but may be important in the future.*

***

Hours of availability? Get this in writing... I know of someone whose provider changed her mind and charged for being late.
What is the weekly/daily cost for full-time or part-time? When is payment due, and what forms of payment are accepted? Are there late fees?
Is there a sibling discount? (Even if this doesn't apply to you now, it may in the future.)
What are the requirements for full-time/part-time? Does your child need to attend a minimum of x days per week?
Holiday schedules: what days is the center/home closed?
How are vacations handled? Do you pay if the provider goes on vacation? Do you pay if the provider cancels due to sickness/emergency? Do you pay if you go on vacation (some centers will allow you 1 or 2 weeks of vacation per year, where you don't have to pay while you're gone)? If Baby is sick, and you miss a day, do you still pay?
For in-home daycares: if the provider should get sick, does he/she have a backup available? Hear this: you do NOT want to be calling around for backup daycare at 6am. And you do NOT want to have to call in sick to work because you can't find daycare.
What is the illness policy, and how strict is it? What symptoms are not allowed there? How long does a child need to be symptom-free? Is there a certain window of time that a sick child needs to be picked up by? Some centers have a strict 1-hour policy: for example, if your child vomits you have exactly 1 hour to pick him/her up.
Who administers medication? Any forms that need to be filled out?
How many children is the center licensed for? What is the max they will accept?
How many other children are generally attending? There should be a good balance here: you want your child to get enough socialization with other children, but you also want your child to receive enough attention from the care provider.
What is the caregiver-to-child ratio?
Will the same caregiver be with your child daily, or will it be someone random every day? This also should be a good balance; you want your child to form a bond with his caregivers, but you also may want some variety in there.
Are the care providers certified in CPR/First Aid?
Are background checks done on the staff members and volunteers?
What is employee turnover like?
How secure is the building? Is it easy to keep children in and others out?
Are children ever taken off-premises, and what is the procedure for granting permission?
Are there any sex offenders in the area?
Do you need to leave a car seat at the daycare for emergency purposes?
Is there any sort of video surveillance in each room? Some centers offer this, allowing parents to see what the children are doing all day. If there's a camera, how is security maintained?
Who is allowed to pick children up? How does the provider manage pickups by someone other than Mom or Dad?
How are children disciplined? (not that your child would ever need it... haha)
How does the center handle disagreements between children? (sharing, hitting, pushing, etc)
How often are toys/pacifiers washed/sanitized?
Are children allowed to bring toys from home?
How often are diapers changed? What is the process? Is there adequate handwashing/sanitization nearby?
Shoe removal: do you have to remove your shoes before entering the center? Where are shoes removed? Some centers require shoe removal before entering the infant area (which makes sense, since babies are crawling all over the floor). I've heard of an in-home daycare that required shoes to be removed in the garage before entering the house; the baby had to be set down on the garage floor while shoes were removed... and in the winter, boots made this time-consuming and inconvenient, especially for a 45-second transaction inside the house. Again, may seem silly now, but it will be a big deal someday when you're late for work.
Who supplies food or formula? (This will save you MUCH time and money if the daycare provides these things.) If your child has a special diet, will the daycare accommodate, or do you have to provide special meals?
How does the provider handle picky eaters? Make sure this jives with your process at home.
Does the center support breastfeeding? Will they use breastmilk that you provide, or do they only use formula? If you're a nursing mother, can you pop in during the day to feed Baby?
Are children taught to brush their teeth?
Who supplies diapers? Who supplies wipes?
Do you need to supply a change of clothes every day?
Nap time: what is the routine here? IS there a routine?
Sleeping arrangements: where do children sleep? How far apart? White noise? Do you need to provide anything (i.e. pillow, crib sheet, etc.)?
How is potty training managed? When do they start? Will the center follow through with your personal system?
If you're religious: will the daycare provider support your family's religious beliefs (i.e. special holidays, pre-meal prayer, etc)?
Do the children go outdoors? (In some states, this is a requirement, weather-permitting.) If they do go outdoors, is there adequate shade? Is there a fence? What are the surroundings like?
TV time: how much (if any) per day? If so, what do they watch?
What school district is the center located in? Will your child be spending time with his future classmates?
Are any other languages spoken at the daycare? I know of a local daycare that only speaks French to the children; some parents may be turned off by this, while other parents may think this is THE. COOLEST. THING. EVER. (For the record, I fall in the second category.)
Does the center provide a daily report card of snacks/meals, diaper changes, nap times, behavior issues, etc?

So you've made your visits and asked your questions...

Once you've narrowed down the top few choices, make sure you have a second opinion. If there's another parent in your family, make sure that parent has had a chance to make some visits and ask questions. If you're a single parent, ask a friend or family member to go with you. A second set of eyes and ears is always a bonus.

When you find the care provider that makes you and your little one uber-happy, give yourself a giant pat on the back, and pour yourself a glass of wine or grab a candy bar or something. This was not an easy process, but you did it! Then go back to the daycare center (preferably NOT after drinking the wine) and ask them for all the forms that need to be filled out. Read each one carefully, and ask questions where needed. Ask what paperwork you will need from your doctor (health appraisal? immunization record?), what legal paperwork you need (copy of birth certificate?). Get a list of everything you need to provide on Baby's first day (food/bottles/sippy cups/diapers/extra clothes/pacifiers/pillow/crib sheet/etc).

Then prep yourself emotionally for what could be a very difficult drop-off. Baby may not be happy to see you walking out the door, but that's okay. You're doing the right thing :) And at the end of the day, picking up Baby will be that much sweeter. 10 points for being a stellar parent!

**Side note, especially for families using in-home daycare: it may serve you well to do some extra research and find providers in your area that offer "drop-in" daycare. Visit them ahead of time, fill out any necessary paperwork, and know their drop-in policy. THIS WILL COME IN HANDY. TRUST ME.**

Need additional information?

Below are some child care resource/referral agencies, listed alaphabetically by state:

Thursday, March 7

THE SOUNDTRACK OF A DYING BLOGGER

Well, it happened. Everyone I know has been sick in the last week. This past weekend, Sol and I made our way up to Frankenmuth to work at an auction (fundraiser for this summer's mission trip to Guatemala). We left our friends here in southwest Michigan... and, as it turns out, for good reason. They all became violently ill with a nasty stomach flu.

And while I was sorry they were sick, I thought --> Sol and I certainly can't afford to be sick... glad we're all the way on the other side of the state.

... [do you see where this is going?]

As it turns out, that nasty flu was more widespread than I thought. It took my sister Amanda down on Monday. Sol was sick on Tuesday, which [oh yes] means Melanie couldn't go to work. Mama Mel went back to work Wednesday, feeling invincible, feeling on top of the world.

... [seriously, do you see where this is going?]

So there I was yesterday afternoon, sitting at my desk, diligently working and listening to Lou Monte radio on Pandora (think peppy Olive Garden songs), when all of a sudden that little twinge of nausea came creeping up my throat. I leaned my head back and repeated to myself, "This is not happening." And with that mantra, I scared that little twinge away. And I continued working.

Then that same nausea surfaced again, but this time it had grown to be 50x larger, and it was no longer a twinge of nausea... it was a typhoon wave of nausea that kept crashing into my esophagus, each crash making the sound "omg-this-is-the-end-I-am-going-to-die-and-I-can't-even-move." Then the peppy Olive Garden songs quit playing on Pandora, and so began the soundtrack of Melanie's slow and painful death. I sat there in my office, suffering the 2013 version of the Bubonic Plague, my face turning an odd shade of gray/green, as my computer blared "Torna a Surriento" at me (click HERE to listen, or use the video below).

**I think the first peak of nausea hit around 1:20... the second hit around 2:26... **

Nothing makes you want to crawl into a hole and die more than terribly obnoxious Italian opera from which you can't escape due to paralysis by stomach flu. If that's not a recognized medical diagnosis, ladies and gentlemen, I'll eat my socks.

I went home early from work yesterday

and spent the duration of the evening dying on the bathroom floor.

I did not go into work today.