Monday, June 18

It Is Well With My Sol

Yesterday was a special day.  If you have a Y chromosome, some offspring, AND a fully-functioning aortic pump, Happy Father's Day to you.  If, however, you do not meet all three requirements (particularly the third), I wish you nothing.  (See where I'm going with this??)

I was wondering how I'd feel on Father's Day.  This year it was tough to pick out a father's day card for my own dad.  It was nearly impossible to shuffle through the "to father from daughter" cards and not become enraged at the stupid choices of a certain male counterpart.  Too many cutesy-cute cards with hearts and sunshines on them, telling daddy what a wonderful guy he is.  GAG ME.  Sure, I know a lot of good dads.  But my proximity to the worst kind of father (read: voluntarily absent) is enough to pull every spark of magic out of this Hallmark holiday.  Thank you, Hallmark, for creating special days to remind all the winners of the world just how lame we are (Valentine's Day, anyone??). 

I got a text message from my dearest friend Allie yesterday: "Happy fathers day ;) I'm so proud of you."  It made me laugh out loud - thank goodness for my wonderfully raw sense of humor.  I also received the below from ever-witty Penny:


Yep, I'm both mama and papa.  Thanks, Allie and Penny.  You both made the Father's Day pill a little easier to swallow :)

Father's Day isn't such a terrible reminder of my loser status after all.  Maybe it's actually a gentle reminder of how good I have it - or of how good my whole family has it.  Sol has one mom who loves her more than two parents ever could.  She also has an entire family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, dear friends) who love her dearly.  And her grandparents don't have to "share" her with another set of grandparents.  And someday we'll find a guy who will be an amazing dad, and won't have to worry about "sharing" her with another dad.  When we do, life will be pretty simple.  We will have our family, and that will be that. 

Sol will never know a life without love.  It tears me apart to think that Sol's father once had me convinced that no one would love our daughter, and for that reason, she should be aborted.  Hard to forgive someone for working overtime to try and convince you to kill your child.  It's almost unbearable to think of a life without Sol.  Her father told me that single parenthood would be impossible, and that my life would be hell.  My, how the tables have turned.  He describes his life as "his own private hell."  Strong words for sure, but I don't necessarily empathize with him.  Sorry, dude.  Your loss.  Sol is anything but a burden to me.  I don't mind wearing two hats - both mom and dad - and I feel more and more confident with each passing day that I'm doing something amazing.  She relies on me and only me, and I love her more than that man ever will.  Happy Father's Day to me.  It is well with my Sol.


Whatever my lot, You have taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

2 comments:

  1. Well said! Your doing AHHHMAZING!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your doing AHHHHMAZING as a momma & "Daddy"!

    ReplyDelete