Well, it happened. I had my turn at false labor. I was having contractions all Thursday night, couldn't sleep, and ended up calling my doctor at 3am. He told me to take some Tylenol, take a warm bath, and check back in the morning. So after drawing myself a nice warm bath and trying to doze in it (using a rolled-up towel as a pillow), I realized I would probably drown myself before anything productive happened. So I got out, went back to bed, caught maybe an hour of sleep, and headed to work. Contractions continued all day until I saw my doctor at 3pm. After an uneventful non-stress test (monitoring both Baby B's heartbeat and my contractions), they sent me home. So here I sit, Monday morning, after an entirely unsuccessful weekend of long walks and spicy food, waiting for Baby to signal that he/she is ready to join the outside world.
This weekend I realized for the very first time that I'm waiting IMPATIENTLY. Had you asked me six months, three months, or even just one month ago, I would've told you that I wanted Baby B to arrive late because I just wasn't ready in any respect. It goes without saying that my pregnancy wasn't all rainbows and sunshine. However, I can't deny that with time, prayer, love and support from my family, I felt less hopeless and more excited about the baby that was coming into the world. Looking through the journal I kept during my pregnancy, I see too many early entries about feeling alone, sad, and hopeless. However, things start to look a little brighter after I broke the news to my family. The following entry, for example, was written after I had told both of my sisters about Baby B:
August 7, 2011: Dear Baby, I wonder what you look like. I wonder what color your hair will be, and what color your eyes will be. My Baby :) I'm sorry I've been so sad.
It was pointless that I ever felt so sad about something so amazing. Expecting a baby is never a curse; it is always a blessing for SOMEONE. Today I couldn't be happier that I was able to get past the sadness and find the joy in my pregnancy.
And here I am, on my due date, and I can't wait to meet my little monster! I can't wait to kiss Baby's nose and have Baby's perfect little hand wrapped around my finger. I can't wait to watch my little one sleep, or to hear him or her cry for the very first time. Above all, I can't wait for the moment when the doctor places Baby B. on my chest for the first time. I can't even imagine what that will feel like. It's surreal to have lived every day of the past nine months, both waking and sleeping, with this little human living right there inside my belly. And although I've probably felt every possible emotion about my baby throughout this pregnancy, I feel nothing but elation and excitement now. I love this baby more than I ever thought was humanly possible. You can come on out whenever, Baby - there are plenty of people who can't wait to meet you!